2 Steps To Overcome Self-Doubt

Being overconfident...isn't that self-centered?

Should we hold ourselves in such high regard, toot our own horns, pat ourselves on the back, and sing our own praises? No, never. Being humble is much more socially acceptable.

Acceptable.

Why is it more important to be accepted than to be great? If only we knew that people absolutely adore confidence - whether it's overdone or just right. They want to get close to confident people because they hope the magic rubs off on them.

Confidence is sexy. It's attractive. It's the "it factor."

Worrying less about being accepted and focusing more on bringing our fullest energy to our lives will accomplish both confidence and acceptance. 

When self-doubt becomes our norm to the point that we call it humility, we no longer trust that living big would ever work.

"it might scare people off and burn bridges that I need. I don't want people not to like me anymore. I'll be too different...that's not who I am."

"Someone else will think it's stupid."

The biggest excuse that self-doubt will give you to stop you from doing something great is that "someone else will think it's stupid." It assumes that others are focused on you when, really, they're way too overwhelmed with their own insecurities.

Self-doubt is self-centered, not confidence. Confidence assumes that others will love what you're doing...and f*** them if they don't because YOU love it. Your opinion is the one that actually matters.

And whenever self-doubt gets a hint of validation...like someone makes a comment about your work that feels insensitive...then, "Aha! I knew it! Other people DO think that what I'm doing is stupid. See, I DO have a reason to shrink!" 

But shrinking won't keep you safe. It's just a knee-jerk reaction that locks away your natural tendency to be confident.

Steps To Overcoming Self-Doubt

The first step to overcoming self-doubt and being more confident is to recognize the symptoms when they first appear, and then reverse them.

Self-doubt is a master at the blame game. Making it "other people's fault" for thinking your idea isn't good. When deep down, we don't think our own idea is good enough. 

Check your own thinking - do you actually think your idea is unworthy? If so, tweak your idea. If not, go back to why you think it's a good idea in the first place. This will reaffirm your confidence and help you move forward with or without approval from others.

Self-doubt is also very good at making us feel overly vulnerable. As if what other people think or say should actually have a bearing on how we feel or what we do. So the second step to overcoming self-doubt is to stop taking things personally.

"Shrinking won't keep you safe."

Try this. Get very still and get really present. Start naming specific things in the room...an empty water bottle on the table, a light switch on the wall near the door, a purple sticky note on top of the iPad. (This helps you be more present.)

Now that you're out of your head a little, don't you feel a little less touchable by other people's thoughts and words? Those thoughts and words aren't in the room with you, so they have no tangible power to stop you. 

When we separate ourselves from the thoughts and words of others, we no longer feel personally attacked or responsible. Whether someone thinks good or bad of you...that's on them. Yes, even if they have a positive outlook of you...that's still on them and not on you. You have no more control of them than they have of you.

Now if you return to the idea that you know is good, you can act on it because the thoughts and feelings of others cannot touch you or stop you.

And since it's such a good idea, don't you want it to be as amazing in reality as it is in your mind? Then bring your fullest creative energy to it. Let the idea unfold into its greatness by not holding anything back.

"Your confidence will strengthen."

Once you create something so amazing, you'll be inspired to do it again. The self-doubt will weaken and your confidence will strengthen because you'll have more proof of the latter than the former.

Reverse thoughts of self-doubt by naming the symptoms and reaffirming your original confidence in your idea. Then move forward without regard for others. A truly good idea does no harm to you or them, so you don't have to worry about how others think or feel.

Your energy is what you control. Trust your intuition that brought you the idea in the first place, and let that idea see it's fullest glory. Now go, and be amazing.

Amber McDuffie is a digital marketer and content creator who teaches entrepreneurs how to successfully market their business using Facebook and Instagram ads.